sometimes I just want to talk to you and tell you what an idiot you are and how I still feel about you but then I snap back into reality and realize that I cant do that I anymore. its not easy to just push everything away, its harder than I realized. I honestly don’t even know why I bother with you. its clear you want nothing to do with me,I mean hey your not the only one who stopped talking to me. I make attempts to reach out to those I’ve pushed away. nothing seems to work anymore and no one seems to care anymore. this depression really hit hard this last month and its continuing to be difficult to control. I wish I had an easy fix or you know one day I would wake up and feel motivated to do something. what helps me right now is that I’ve started reading again. I am basically reading everything. I mean self help books to just good fun fiction books that keep my mind off what’s really hurting me. I don’t know how to get better, I don’t. I am not saying you are the answer or that you were the answer. I just miss you, but the truth is that I am not good enough for you and I will never be good enough for you.